Kryogenik's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[The Gayest Showdown]

you raise a good point.

i.e. 'the ultimate showdown' sucks fat cock and there is no reason whatsoever for it being in the top 50%, let alone number fucking 1.
well done.

[Nigerian Exchange]

Pretty sucky.

Hideous graphics, worse animation and cringe-inducingly bad voices. You're obviously pretty ignorant as well. Lots of humor can be created out of making fun of Nigerians. But not by American kids with a 65 IQ and a copy of flash mx.

[3d-Destruction of the IRS]

Resubmit

The actual flash was very good. The music was utterly -SHIT-. How anyone can actually like music that poor is beyond me, but my point about it is that it made the 30 second flash nearly 5mb. Most average newgroundsmorons are on 56k and will just vote 1 or zero rather than wait for it to load. Resubmit it with a DECENT flash loop, not shitty grindcore, so that it isn't fucking irritating to watch and so people can actually view it without waiting an hour.

[Super Dude - Episode 4]

Not bad-ish.

Your models, while horrible (stick animation is iscardinal sin, I hope you know this) were well animated, but the movie overall lacked pizzaz. The following things you must think about:
1. Gravity doesn't only affect you when you feel like it. If they're going to float in the air, make them hover, and maybe add a bit of magic aura to their feet. It just looks stupid when they remain static in the air.
2. People don't stand there waiting to be hit. Good stick movies (if there were ever such a thing) are ones where both fighters act continually and at the same time. It looks unprofessional when one guy stands there doing nothing while the other runs up to him.
3. Add some camera movement. It looks horrible (unless you do it very stylishly) when you just see a static scene. Move the movie around every now and then.
4. Don't make us have to click something in the middle of the movie in order to move on. Most people would rather click the X button if they are being forced to operate their mouse. People are lazy and full of contempt for your movie.
5. IF YOU CAN DRAW, DON'T USE FUCKING STICKS.

K.

[Barrel of aGun.]

OK.

It seems pretty good, but when you think about it, it's like 10 black and white drawings, some traced backgrounds, a 3D car you didn't make and a bunch of tweening. The scenes were sometimes very plain, like when he's walking around shooting people. You should have scribbled/traced over the car or at least cel-shaded it, in black and white, as it looked very out of place.

[Sep 11th Tribute]

^

I'm being generous because there aren't all that many 9/11 tributes to irritate me today :)

[dDevil]

Pretty good.

Deserving of a higher score - but then again, 95% of portal voters are stupid fucking kids who don't actually watch the movies they vote on, and if they do, they decide they didn't like something about it and vote zero. So its score is a poor reflection of the movie's actual quality.

Iranarama responds:

agreed,
thnx.

[Terrorist Choreogrphy]

Er...

I'd laugh if one or more of your loved ones were killed in a terrorist atrocity :/

SCART responds:

I'm sure you would, you sound like that kind of thing.

"Don't beleive the HYPE"
- Chuck D

[Samurais of the 30th Cnt.]

Where do I start?

Ok, so it's set in 30th century Japan. Hence, completely unjapanese people, all speaking english, wearing 20th century clothes and having edwardian telephones. Exceptionally poor. Congratulations on wasting an entire week of your life.

TurkeySandwich responds:

where do you start? How about thinking before writing a review. Everything you just bitched about was part of a joke. How about the japanese president? didnt think that was wierd? Or that they used american currency with japanese stated before it, ie japanese quarter,? i even tried to help people get the joke by having one of the characters state it for you. Sorry i didnt make something as mentally stimulating as stick figures fighting for you but i guess i expected to much from you. I asssume that the running joke was the only problem you had with the movie so thats all ill respond to. hopefully in the future you will think just a tad when watching a movie, becuase then you might get some of the jokees.

[two ninja shorty shorts]

:(

Your standards are dropping. Sorry, but a few good detailed pics (which were good), then 20 second slo mo scenes of a black scribble jumping just doesnt work too well. That movie of yours... called...dimension or something - you did that well with the still frames.